My husband and I were childhood sweethearts; we grew up in suburban middle class America. He loved to hunt, fish, and camp. My passions ran deep--horses, dogs, art in many forms.

We married soon after he completed college and entered corporate America as a professional. I was a relatively well-paid secretary, but did not like this profession. Because my education stopped at High School, options were few. This was all I knew how to do. Within three months I was pregnant with the first of our three children. This came as a complete surprise, and we were absolutely thrilled. Pregnancy proved to be difficult, and within a short period of time I was no longer able to work. We moved to a run-down apartment in a very desirable suburb. Our family was out of state, we did not have much money, and my husband traveled quite a bit. Still, it never ocurred to me to not stay home with the our son. I loved being home with him. It was while I was pregant with our second child that our lives would change in a way that would impact our family's entire future.

One night my husband came home from work late--he was so excited he was bouncing off the walls. He had seen an incredible business opportunity from a colleague and could hardly sleep that night. He said we needed to have a meeting at our apartment and gave me a tape to listen to, on how to invite people. After listening to this tape I called all my new acquaintances (we were new in town) and proceeded to ruin all potential friendships with these kind, stay at home Moms. No one wanted to have anything to do with me after that. How could I blame them when I wasn't allowed to tell them that it was Amway or anything about it. Even though I really didn't want to make these phone calls, I wanted to support my husband and was behind him.

We had that meeting (this was about 23 years ago) and I got to see the plan for the first time. Of course it was just a bunch of writing on a white dry erase board up on an easel, and all I can recall is something about retiring in 2-5 years, and making all this money. Bill (the man who was STP--Showing the Plan) was not someone I particularly liked. It sounded hokey to me, and it just never made sense how anyone could have a business and retire from it and still get paid in such a short period of time while putting in a small effort. I don't remember the exact number of hours per week, but it was only a few and something you did in your spare time. We got our kit that night, and I can remember something being thrown away that came with the manual, and I do remember that retailing was part of the business and we learned about it at the 'Open'. I did retail some products, but it was hard because they were so expensive.

My husband went every week to the 'Opens'.
After attending several of these 'Opens' or 'Training Sessions' myself, I found that I didn't care much for the Business or many of the people. At that time there were only a few cassette tapes available, and they were purchased right there at the 'Open.' Two things that I do remember very clearly are :

1) Our sponsor was close to 7,500 PV one month, and at that time you had to have all your orders called in by 12:00 midnight. He had called in the order earlier, and when we found out how close he was, we all put together another small order to add to it so he would reach the 7,500 PV (Silver) level Somehow this small order was 2-5 minutes past midnight deadline and someone upline would not accept the order. I never knew why they would reject that order, but today I wonder whether it was because it effected the income of someone upline who had sponsored wide enough to make money by our sponsor not achieving the Silver level. My husband got mad and stopped doing anything with the business, and did not renew our distributorship for the following year.

2) We lost the $10,000 my father had given to us and more. Remember this was 23 years ago. That's probably $20,000 today. What did we spend it on? Four major Functions are held each year, and there are food, gas and hotels to pay for. The few times I did go to the 'Open' or Weekend Seminar and Rally, we had to pay for that and a babysitter. The products were very expensive (and most of them were not very good), and we were also 'encouraged' to try new ones.

After leaving my very young son with a babysitter for the second time, I had become extremely nervous about this practice. I knew I was supposed to be with him. He was all I could think about when I was away from him. Also, my spouse wanted to move closer to the city so he could build the Business faster and easier. It was devastating to me to even think about living in a big city when I was trying to get us to the country.

At this time our upline Diamonds were Angelo and Claudia Nardone. This was part of the Britt orgaization, or BWW.

This was not the last time we were to lose thousands of dollars to the Business. Several years later my spouse found the Business again, this time under a different line of sponsorship. It was the same thing, except that there were a lot more tapes and books, and even Standing Order Book. Here we go again on the roller coaster ride, spending money we need for other things, more indoctrination from tapes and books, more products...we sponsored some people, one was a friend of mine. I was a little more involved this time, the children were older, not babies anymore. But they still needed me. I really don't know how much money we spent this time, but I did the aweful paperwork that never added up correctly, and the P.V. checks, and then my husband decided to take some time off. Somewhere in here I suffered a bout of depression. I just did not like this business. And I didn't like leaving my young children home alone at night to go to some 'Open'. It was still the same teachings about retiring, helping people, getting the money problem out of the way. Oh, and lest I forget...I can remember getting a call from our upline Diamond asking us to order something "if we need it" to help our sponsor either go Silver or maintain the Platinum level. I found this tacky.

Eventually, after about three years we quit and didn't renew. But we still were not done with Amway.

A few years later he did it again. He tells me Amway is gone, now it's all online and it's called Quixtar. We had barely recovered from our move into our home not far from Nashville, Tennessee. This Quixtar is upscale and he's just got to do it this time. So what am I supposed to do? Say "No, you can't do it."? We don't work that way. He says he's just going to go slow and whatever happens, happens. Well, husband get's committed and cranks out the tapes and CD's. I can't stand them. I can't stand Bill Britt or Larry Winters, the Big Shots in the business. I find them to be arrogant with a capital A. And now I see the business for what it is--a cult. Yes, a cult. That's what I called it. Now up to this point we've probably lost $20,000-$25,000 in our Amway 'career'.

Slowly he becomes more and more entrenched into this cult of greed. He is never home. People are nothing but a resource to him of potential distributors. We start to get deliveries of so much consumable product that we are taught we should eat and drink! And the prices are so inflated even before shipping (which is taxed) and tax. There are boxes of tapes, CD's, and books in the spare room. There are thousands of dollars worth of tools! He is STP during the day and at night, putting a lot of miles on the car, and ignoring his marriage. We are taught to be 100% self-use, a couple should be doing 300 PV (that's about$750+)per month, and a single 150 PV ($350+)per month. When the plan is shown there is not one word about the 50 PV retailing requirement. The presentation avers that there is money to be saved by purchasing from your own business, and that when one reaches a certain level the products are 'free' in that you are making that much money. Another claim is that by working 5-10-15 hours a week in your spare time, within 12-18 months, by following the 'System' you can make $50-$60,000 per year.

My husband is building a team of people and none of us are making any money after expenses. On the contrary, we're losing lots of money! He becomes arrogant and treats me badly. Actually, every time he has tried to build the Business he has gotten this way to some degree. But this time it's different. I'm afraid of what he's doing, how much money he's spending, how this will affect the lovely people who have become part of our group. These beautiful people that we cannot form a true friendship with because of the structure of the business. I go completely Negative. I'm OUT.

One night I walked past him in our bedroom and knocked into him going by. I was angry, sad, lonely. He retaliated and hit me. He had become such a bully...see, I am not the female doormat that is required in this Business. I'm a free spirit and won't cowtow to these bullies. That night I did not know the man in my bedroom. I almost went to the women's center. He tried to say it was an accident. But I don't think so. This was a result of the brainwashing effects that were in conflict with his spirit. His spirit did not accept them, and I believe this is what was happening.

Something else that I feel is very important to mention here is something that my precious husband did that I believe is directly linked to the sleep deprived, domineering, mentally numbed bully he had become. He had a dog that loved him dearly, and he loved that dog with every fiber of his being. This dog was a 'high maintainence' type, and a one-person dog. Though she and I got along well in our familial unit, I did not have the time, nor did I want to split myself to accomodate her 'needs.' I was getting mighty angry about being left with taking care of all that he had abandoned in the pursuit of so-called 'financial freedom', read 'bondage and destitution', especially this dog.

After more fighting, he said our marriage was more important than the dog, and got rid of it. Now this dog would not bond with another owner, that is how loyal this dog was, so when I say he got rid of it, I mean for good. She is gone forever.

Beyond a shadow of a doubt, I know that this would not have happened if he had not been so exhausted and indoctrinated in the AmquixSand Business. To this day, I still feel it is my fault that this animal no longer is with him. Dear reader, there is more to this story than can be written here, but as I live and breathe, the Business is no good. My husband will suffer for the rest of his days because of this incident that transpired in his AmquixSand Career. You had to know the two of them to truly understand. He waited 20 years for a dog like that. Then, at only two years of age, the dog was gone...now was someone saying something about how much the Business does for the person?

After finally getting him into a conversation at a later time, I tried to break through, but he did not want to hear Negative. Somehow I was able to get a few chinks in there, I think by talking about what he loves to do, like fish and hunt. I began to see little glimpses of his true self. The real breakthrough began after he spoke with Eric on the telephone, and began to read Eric's book "The Merchants of Deception." This book confirmed everything I had experienced in 23 or so years of this ghastly Business and more. It revealed things that I suspected happened, and things I found hard to even comprehend. I had no idea how big this thing was. Well, let's just say that I knew there had to be some type of mutual cooperation for this kind of thievery.

After another $25,000 down the tubes, or should I say up to the Big Pins, here we are. After all these years, $50,000 went UP to the Big Pins. Not down to the people doing the work. Am I angry? Yes. That is why I am here. It is a righteous anger borne out of the AmquixSand Experience that has bilked God knows how many people out of millions of dollars (my guesstimate). In the name of freedom! How dare they call it a Business! A righteous anger arises from knowing that the precious couples and singles that were in our 'organization' were duped by us, who had been duped by 'them'. Righteous anger that knows that the very way the system works--locking everyone in by guilt, greed, love, shame, deception--the system of tool sales that keeps lining the Pig Pen's pockets--the system of tools that 'they' don't want you to know about is sordid, vile, and beyond me how it can possibly be legal.

When my spouse started adding up the amount that was going into the pockets of the Big Pins at the Functions, and even the weekly take at the local 'Open' after room charge, he began to realize that this was another job. I'm not even good at math and I had done the math, what had taken him so long? Because of the CD's, the tapes he listened to constantly, and the books he read as much as he could, he was going to make a difference and impact the world for God, so wasn't thinking for himself yet.

It looks like quite a few of these books are written to support the Business thought process; I don't think they are independent of the Business. If I am wrong about this, please someone show me.

Our upline Diamonds were Barry and Pat Grove. It was puzzling to me why they are/were part of a lawsuit that has been/was going on for some time. In addition, why did the Diamond couple they sponsored, the Lucks, disappear? If the business is so wonderful, what's going on?

We are in the process of decompressing and making everything right. This is not an overnight thing. Our family is a mess. There is a lot of anger. When someone has been in a cult and victimized, the effects are longlasting. A trust has been broken, and it can be very hard to re-enter the world after even a relatively short time under cult influence.

In my opinion, there are some positive aspects if one does not succumb to the cult influences. I have seen people who were afraid to talk to others come out of that and grow in confidence. The same thing happened for me, and this had a positive impact on my own business (outside of Quixtar). It led me to books that were of significance for self-improvement. That being said, the Bible is probably the best self-help book ever. And you only have to buy it once. If you can't afford one, I'll send you one. One of it's tenets is to treat every other person as if he or she were Jesus himself (my paraphrase). They don't have to be the 'sharpest knife in the drawer' or 'have money to buy products'.

Dear reader, if you are in the Business now, were in the Business, or are contemplating being in the Business, may I share this with you.

The Emeralds and Diamonds are coming out and sharing what happened to them in Amway/Quixtar. Take advantage of what they have to say. Read "Merchants of Deception" by Eric Shiebeler. He's done the homework and Alticor/Amway is coming after him. If this was such a great business, why is there so much controversy on the internet, why is it so hard to sponsor people, why did Eric write the book? Why would people like me take our resouces and stick our neck out? I don't have an axe to grind. Just want to help get the word out. Been in and out of this thing for 23 years and have seen, experienced and heard a lot.

Our story is not an isolated instance. This happens over and over and over again. It's a zero sum game. The money flows up, not down.

See if you can stop listening to the tapes and reading the books for a week. Can you miss an 'Open' meeting? Try it.

There is a saying "Power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely." I don't know who said this, but it seems to hold true many times. The same thing with fame. We were not made to have a lot of power or fame. We cannot contain it. It contains us.

There is not a one who is unsusceptable to mind control. Sleep deprivation is a powerful tool for achieving this. It would behoove us all to lead a balanced life. Eat good food, get enough rest, exercise, and thank God for another day, another breath.

Today is a new day, it is precious. We are cancelling out all the things we don't want to do, that are meaningless. We are enjoying ourselvesmy and the little things in life. The smell of my horses, the comfort and company of my little dog. He's fishing, hunting and camping again. Doing the things that make him happy. Enjoying good products that smell good! We are free from the bondage, free indeed!